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Sunday, 11 December 2011 20:44

Consider the Value of a PMP (Putympkin Project Manager)

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I noticed that you are not a PMP. Do you think there is value in receiving a PMP certification?





You should not be confused because I do not place “PMP” behind my name. In fact I am very certified as a PMP - a Putympkin Project Manager. This is a very prestigious certification given to only excellent project managers in my country.  It is so prestigious that it will intimidate other mortals by just showing that I have this credential. My colleagues and the staff that work for me already know of my large brain. They do not need constant reminders of my skills.

However, since you are a foreigner, I will give you a little insight into this vast credential. I have to accomplish the following feats to qualify.

  • Five years of project management on large projects in Putympkin, This shows that you have vast experience managing complicated people. My three-year Asbestos project has taken twelve years so far, so you see I am well qualified.
  • Passing a test. It is important that PMPs also understand project management concepts. This is shown by mastering a very hard and complicated test. There are 400 questions that you must answer in 400 minutes. The price for this exam is $75 US Dollars. For as additional $100 US Dollars you can bypass the test and automatically receive a passing score. Since everyone that works for me knows it is obvious I would pass the exam, I paid this additional fee.
  • Five friends. Project managers need to have people skills as well as process skills. To ensure that the project manager is not some weirdo, you must be able to show that you have five friends. Of course I have many friends and I included the ten people that work on my project since they know what an excellent person I am.
  • Standupness. This word does not easily translate into English, but it means that you are not afraid to stand up to management when you believe you are right. This is shown by references checks with two of your managers, or you must show that you have been fired from at least one company – two would be better. I have been fired by three companies which further shows my handsome qualification for this award.
  • Ethics. Lastly you must show professional ethic in your work. This can be shown by a number of examples.
    • Not asking for too much money as a bribe.
    • Sharing vendor gifts with your team members.
    • Declining free drinks offered by prospective vendors – after three.
    • Having colleagues hire family members instead of hiring them yourself.
    • Other equally ethical pyramids

As you can see, it is not easy to be a PMP in my country. Those of us that rise to this lofty credential do not like to brag about it so that other people do not feel we are better than them. Of course, we know we are better, but we do not say this to non-believers - just to other PMPs.

Read 4893 times Last modified on Tuesday, 13 December 2011 18:56

Surprise. Yes, my name is Sam Lahcom and I am the greatest project manager in the world. Please excuse my poor English. I am from the country of Putympkin. Project management is shiny and new to my country but I have been practicing this fine art for many many years before it has become so popular. Many peoples that work for me and rely on me for promotions have told me that I am in fact the greatest project manager in the world.

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